Cheaper to Keep Her....by Jodi

In this world filled with divorce there is a phrase that rings in my head, "Cheaper to keep her" is a cruel truth. With jobless rates out of the roof and foreclosures running rampant in this world it's a different ballgame. Health insurance costs out of the roof and there is less time and more pressure to actually do things correctly results in a cheaper to keep her mentality.

You know full well that you are never going to be in love with this person ever again, you know that this individual meets none of the things you find interesting, important, let alone fun. The passion is gone from this marriage, it is over. Have you looked at the cost of divorce lately? Just to retain a lawyer costs in excess of $3000! It ain't cheap, it ain't yo' mama's divorce! That is just the cost of retaining an attorney, not filing for the full fledged divorce.

Do you have children? Do you own a home or property? What is worthwhile in fighting for in court? What about the amount of time it takes to duke it out? You also have to figure in the additional cash outlay and any debts you jointly share that require payment. Let's say you have a second marriage, the children are grown and you have determined this relationship is over, he wants to find someone younger, less likely to complain. She wants a peaceful life, rid of his annoyances and dumb hobbies, free to find herself in this part of life.

Should you end this marriage? I understand all of the struggles with making the relationship work, I understand her need for benefits, health benefits aren't cheap. He is used to having her plan the meals, going to the store and doing the laundry but now he will have to find the time in his busy week to do those things himself. She will have to go out and make a livable wage and be offered health coverage.

How can this happen? You are both not at the top of your game anymore, he has a receding hairline and she wears her robe and slippers each night, What? Are they gonna hit the bar and dance every night away? Is it easier to work out your issues? Multiple issues. Issues that arise so frequently they should have their own wing is the house!

No, the marriage is done. We have worked on these issues for years and we have never figured a solution. We have lived with each other, we know what the other likes or doesn't like, we know how she likes her drink in the evening and how he likes to do his crossword. There are parts of this that work.

What if you kept what worked and made peace with all the bull and could be friends? Would you do it? Can it be done? Do we really want to spend this time and money on this divorce? Do you have the time? Will you end up with a big bill at the end? Will your comfort change? Who gets the furniture? Who gets the friendships? Who loses at the end? Everyone loses. There are no winners. It turns out to be a sad day. Who knows what will happen down the road? It leaves a lot of people scarred and scared.

In a perfect world, you live in the house together. You don't have to be totally alone. You have your own room and your own life. Make intelligent decisions as you get older, what works for you and what doesn't?

This is your life, this is your time and I just know being tired and starting over isn't easy any time around the block. Spend more of your life living, breathing and being happy not figuring out how to pay money to attorneys.

I think the phrase, cheaper to keep her is more common the we think. I would like to think it changes lives from doldrums and responsibilities to enjoyment and purpose. I think I would like my life to function that way, instead of anger and disappointment. It seems happier a more loving existence. Going thru a divorce is not easy, but if divorced people could accept pleasing behaviors as being status quo and give up the negatives, we might have a more pleasing way of living in the future. Yep, cheaper to keep her!