The Perfect Gift....by Lisa

It’s Holiday time again, and many of us are searching for the perfect gift. I’ll let you in on a little secret of mine—I’m only looking for the perfect gift for myself. My gift giving is mostly limited to my family members near and far, and is really just exchanging money. It’s nice and I don’t want to stop it, I like the gesture. But the truth is, this year I’m delighting in the gifts I’m giving myself. There are the material gifts, like the zoom lens for my DSLR camera, the books I want, clothes, and whatever else (no, not an iPad, tempting as it may be). But most important is the most hard-won gift, that of inner quiet. I’ve struggled a lot the last 3 years, with the divorce and associated bad feelings, negative self-talk, and the monumental sense of loss. I’ve really turned a corner with all of that, and finally feel that I am moving on.  It’s a great relief. So my hope for all of you is that you too can find some inner peace and quiet. It’s time to make peace with who we are, what we have and haven’t done, and to realize that we are works in progress, and that the greatest growth we experience comes from difficulty and failure, not from “success”(whatever that is, and however you define it). I’m taking time to give thanks for this life, for the simple joys, and for the difficulties, because they have taught me so much and have helped me to grow in ways I never would have without them. 

The Perfect Gift....by Jodi

Don't we all? I want a lot of things. Secret is, pretty much anything I want, I buy.

I really don't want all that much. It's amazing what you don't want when you don't read a lot or go out into the world daily.

Oh sure, there are things I want but I truly don't NEED very much, if at all? Yes, I need the everyday things. Housing, utilities, gas, food...some extras, like having my hair cut and colored, my face threaded (ugh), the once in awhile manicure and pedicure.

My Daniel takes excellent care of me! He is not a fool, his Mother raised him to pay for things such as carpet cleaning, cleaning the house, washing the animals, having a gardner. I wish she were around to thank for teaching him that. I have a lot of trouble doing those things, I am very grateful for the ability to have them done.

It's holiday time and we need to buy gifts for one another. I like to buy gifts throughout the year. I hate to be told it is time to buy gifts. I really don't get into shopping. I would rather be surprised throughout the year. I am weird about gifting. The people who matter to me know that. If you don't know it, I am weird about gifting. I am generous but only give gifts when the mood strikes me. I love to share gifts, getting someone a thing they have wanted or a surprise. Buying a meal or a cup of coffee is a small thing that brings me great joy as well. I just don't feel the need to buy gifts at certain times. I would just rather see something cool and buy it. I really don't operate that way anymore, I have to figure out how I operate!

Lisa wants the perfect gift for her. My gift to her would be getting her weight where she wants it. Rewarding relationships that cooperate with her, the majority of time and I think she needs a fabulous pashmina and I really good coffee table book. My gift to Travis would be his computer, signed, sealed and delivered. New shoes and a new bunch of clothes and a razor (for his face)! My gift for Daniel, a whole new wardrobe of everything and new shoes, he is gonna get that over the next year. We also need a vacation, to lounge by the pool, go out for dinner and just hang out. I would buy my Mom $20 worth of lotto tickets. For the rest who are near and dear to me, a party. Great food, fabulous dancing and conversation and just a really good time, sounds like it is on the list! World peace wouldn't be bad either!

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda,...by Jodi

I could start a list of all 3 of those things at any time...

Things I coulda done...been a college graduate, backpacked in Europe or taken that job instead of staying home. Why didn't I? I thought traveling around America was more fun!  I was right. I have tried to go back to school a few times, always got straight A's but always thought it was so dull to me. Will prolly always have mixed feelings about that. I put my bets on someone else more than I put them on myself...mistake!  I like to romanticize the job factor but the reality is it just sounds like it would have been smart, I wouldn't change spending time with my son in a million years. I would like to give back some the those hours I spent cleaning the bathroom!

Things I woulda done...stayed in Chicagoland, cooked at home more often and stayed being a radio geek. I woulda stayed in Chicago. I adore that city, the food, the museums, the shopping. Think of all the excitement I would have missed? I woulda cooked at home and bonded over brunches and bbq's. I used to cook at home and feed people dinner or baked cookies for them a million times. It lost the allure for me. I realized I could spend my time doing other things. I was a really good cook at one time, now I just don't have the interest that I once did. Maybe it will return one day? I would have kept my career in the radio world but I liked having a family more. It's not like I couldn't have one or the other but I chose to invest in the other one. I have lived a full life and accomplished many things I would have not experienced if I would have chosen other path. Will I think about that one? You bet I will.

I shoulda trusted my intuition, dieted and exercised more and gone zip lining! I shoulda trusted my small, still voice instead of my head or heart. I am smarter than I give myself credit for. I followed things other people expected me to do. I don't do that much anymore and really don't regret it. I shoulda dieted and exercised more by just simply doing so. I don't know about dieting really and I did like working out. I have always been a larger than normal adult. It hasn't really hindered my life but is has hindered my health. I tell people I adore food, my extra weight was rich, real cream ice cream and steaks not Burger King meals. Would I change any of it? Nope, don't think so. Maybe some subtle nuances but that is about it. Just reiterates the fact that, "everything happens for a reason." I should go zip lining! It is something I have never done but is something I will do before I go out of this world! I think it looks like fun and I just want to do it! I will, dammit!

I am sure there are many things I woulda, coulda or shoulda done but this is me now and I am very glad to be ME...the good, the bad and the ugly.

Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda,...by Lisa

Oh, where to begin? Coulda—could I have gone to medical school? I’ve thought about it, sometimes seriously. I wish I had had the seriousness of vision to consider it, plan for it, and try to do it when I was first going off to college, when I was young. Pharmacy has certainly been a great choice for me and has given me a comfortable lifestyle and a lot of flexibility. But I will always wonder if I couldn’t have done something greater….

And on that note, why do people laugh when I say that I wanted to go to art school after high school, but my dad said I wouldn’t be able to support myself on a career in art, so I went to pharmacy school instead. Is that funny? Seriously, art is a fun hobby, and I wish I had more time for it. I still think I’d like to be an art teacher. Maybe someday.  That said, I’ve always told myself that putting things off until Someday is a recipe for never doing them. There’s no time like the present. Time waits for no man. Never put off until tomorrow the things you can do today. Life is uncertain, eat dessert first. You know what I mean.

I noticed a pattern here. The things I coulda done, shoulda done, could still do, are things I didn’t do. I’ve always appreciated the quote, maybe it was by Mae West, who said something about not regretting the things one has done, but rather the things one didn’t do. I was going to go hot air ballooning a few months ago, but I seem to have chickened out. It’s still on my list though, and I’ll let you know if I go.

Menopause, a Musical?....by Lisa

Menopause, a musical?

It seems that this summer I’ve gained a few pounds, in spite of the fact that I exercise regularly. My diet is pretty healthy too—I am the person who looks and junk food and says “That shit will kill you.” I even gave my cinnamon pop tarts away recently. When I saw my mom last weekend, and complained about the new poofier appearance of my belly, she said, “it’s your menopause,” as if anyone would know that. Let me tell you, Denial is not just a river in Egypt. I have gotten very good at being in denial. So I got a book on my Kindle called Menopause Sucks, and I cried while reading it. Hey, at least I can laugh now (that was just last weekend).  There is even a Menopause for Dummies book. I am 47 and certainly am encountering symptoms of The Change. I haven’t had a bona fide hot flash yet, but I have only a sheet on my bed, no blankets or bedspreads, and I wear sleeveless tops to work every day. I only wear a sweater at the movie theater or a really chilly restaurant. This is the first year I have used a fan at my desk at work. And I was one of those women who was always too cold—those days are long gone. I only cry when I’m very angry or sad, but now that I’m on hiatus from the man in my life, I expect to cry less, and I’m happy about that. One of my menopause management strategies is to not keep oyster crackers in the house, or any cracker like that, because if they are here, I will eat them in mass quantities. I’ve always loved carbs. I used to say that I would name my baby “Tater” because of my love of potatoes. I’m pleased to report that her name is Kate. So I keep exercising and I try to watch what I eat.

The average age of menopause is 51. Menopause is defined as not having had a period for 12 months. Women who smoke can expect to complete menopause 2-3 years earlier (hey, there’s an idea). We all know there’s been a lot of press about hormone replacement therapy and whether it causes cancer. For me, I know that if I get to the point where the hot flashes or joint pain or other symptoms are too disruptive to my life, I will probably take it for a while. Shocking, right, since I hate to take drugs? Those of you who know me well are probably laughing and shaking your heads. I’m trying to do better about taking medicine when I need it. We all have our hang-ups, you know?

Menopause?....by Jodi

As much as I hate to admit it, I think menopause is alive and well in my life. I haven't really found out much about it. I am from the school that I will find out about it when I need to. I know symptoms can last up to 6 years, that scares me. I know I will lose interest in sex, I will gain weight and my periods will be sort of weird. Along with a host of other symptoms, I am sure. I take Wellbutrin and it is supposed to be a drug used to treat the symptoms of menopause. I recently had a medical procedure done and went off my Wellbutrin for a few days, it does help me with symptoms from my stroke so I am not going off it anytime soon. I don't know if it helps me with symptoms of menopause because it is also supposed to be used as an aid to losing weight and it never helped me with that!

What can I really say about my experience with menopause? I have a birthday next week so I will be a 47 year old woman. Many women my age are in full swing with menopause symptoms. Right now, I do get very hot sometimes, hot flashes seem to come at the most inopportune moments. I am more chilly than warm. I keep a blankie by me and I keep gloves in my purse because sometimes my right hand is just freezing. I also believe those are symptoms from my stroke. My feet get very cold so I always try to have slippers or socks on my feet. I think I have more side effects from my stroke than menopause at this point.

I tend to get moody but I don't think I am anymore moody then I usually am. My stroke left me with lots of feelings of moodiness. I know the Wellbutrin helps me with that. I laugh or cry at dumb things where I shouldn't be so emotional. It kind of ticks me off sometime because I so don't think it warrants crying but I do. I especially get angry at myself when I am trying to get my point across and tears come. I am more emotional and all weepy and I so don't intend to be but it happens. Is it menopause or is it my stroke? It really doesn't matter, it is not what it used to be!

I am more forgetful lately, again, I thought it was due to my stroke but it could also be a tinge of menopause. I had a stroke which effected my left side of the base of my brain. It is a brain injury so I know that I have had to take time to heal. I also know that forgetfulness and memory problems are a symptom of menopause as well. Again, I really don't know which it is but it is another thing that isn't what it used to be.

Basically, I will be a woman closer to being 50 than not. I have had a lot of different things happen in my life. I am a woman, a daughter, a wife, a mother and a host of other things. I am where I am supposed to be in my life, I haven't always been thrilled of the choices God has made for me but I see reasons behind things happening to me. I wouldn't change a thing, everything has created the me I was meant to be. I am in love with my husband and my son, my dogs, my family and I have wonderful friends. My life has challenges and whether they are due to my stroke or the beginning signs of menopause, I can embrace the differences and keep on moving toward the future. I like my life again, I am starting to like myself again and I am excited about the future. "Sock it to me, menopause!"

Car Shopping Part I....by Lisa

Jo and I have been on hiatus. It’s been a busy summer, as we knew it would be, and time flies like the roll of toilet paper.

So, it’s time to shop for a car. Cue dreary music. There’s so much trepidation in this type of shopping, I think because of the cost of the item, and worse, the negative feelings toward car salesmen. And of course, the fear, or is it certainty, that one will pay more than a fair price when the deal is done. I think I’ve captured it!

So I went to CarMax a few Saturdays ago, because I’m not too keen on any kind of shopping, and I thought it would be most efficient to go to where I could drive a number of different cars in one stop. The salesman was a very nice young man, and I drove the Nissan Murano, the Toyota Rav4, and the Honda CRV. I wanted to drive the Ford Escape, and there was one on the lot, but by the time we got to it, it was sold. I liked all 3 cars, although two had black interiors, and I definitely don’t want that. And all 3 were a little above the price I was hoping for—and CarMax doesn’t negotiate.

Fast forward to last weekend. First I went to Lexus, and really liked a used Acura RDX I drove there. Zoom zoom zoom went the turbo—the car was really quick and fun to drive, but alas, it had 94,000 miles on it and for the price, I don’t think so. Then I went to the local Ford dealership and drove the Escape. I really like the outside but I didn’t like the inside, which is where I spend at least an hour a day, most days more. Did I mention that I’m ruined by years of driving a luxury car? When I drove my current car off the lot in 2004, I knew instantly that the next car would be a difficult choice—is there any going back?

So last Friday, I went to Toyota, since I decided I really don’t care for the look of the CRV. Notice the theme here—too bad looks are so important. Can I blame that on our culture? I really like the Rav4. Strange deal though—only the top model comes with factory leather, otherwise they send the car out for an aftermarket job (which is lifetime guaranteed and really nice). This particular small SUV is similar to what I currently have and I think I will be very happy with it. I’m hesitant to go back to a sedan since the accident last winter, when I was hit hard on the driver’s door by a larger SUV. No injuries but my car needed a new driver’s side to the tune of $5200.

Next task is to ask for quotes from the local dealerships, in hopes of getting a really good deal. Stay tuned for the rest of the story…